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EMPATHY Is SMART
The TRUTH is that we are more capable of LOVE than we have yet seen.
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We haven't reached the limit of our possibilities, Unless we believe we have.🧐
Each life holds a piece of our solutions.
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Do not count any life insignificant.
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Lynette Wiest
PLUG MY HEADPHONES
STRAIGHT INTO YOUR HEART
💖Build The Social Experiences You Want!💖
You can keep your peace of mind, and create the unique experiences you want, whether you are gathered with others at holidays, or in your more day-to-day routines with others. This is much easier said than done! In the section below, there are 10 tools to give you the power to create the experiences you want, and to let go of (not be emotionally distracted by) what you don’t want.
Keep in mind that when we gather with others, we create our own subjective experiences. Sometimes we do this on purpose. But usually, we just show up to a situation or event, and receive what happens around us, as if that was the only choice. However, we are each responsible for intentionally creating the experience we want for ourselves. Intentions give us the power to build our own subjective experience and maintain our peace of mind, no matter the intentions of others.
So how do we do this?
Your subjective experience is actually a powerful internal response that you create. Your subjective experience is not created by others. You choose whether to control this dynamic, or let it control you. Two people in the same situation will have different subjective experiences. Below are 10 tools of empathy. Use these powerful tools to build the experience you want. They explain how to maintain your peace of mind, rather than being moved into conflict or negativity.
💖Realize you cannot see or hear the wind.
But you can listen to the trees for a message from the wind.
Similarly,
your mind cannot see or hear the weather inside a person’s life.
But your Heart can listen for a message from their heart.💖
Lynette Wiest
🌟10 Powerful Tools From EMPATHY'S Toolbox for PEACE OF MIND
#1 - Anchoring:
Prior to entering a gathering, become aware of your own sense of internal peace. This is your anchor. Practice staying aware of this internal anchor when you are with others. If you don’t choose to anchor yourself, you can be easily swayed and changed by others who may, or may not, be anchored in ways you desire. By choosing your anchor ahead of time, you will be more aware of, and connected to, your peace of mind. In this way, you will be aware of emotional waves beginning to move you away from your anchor. By preparing your anchor ahead of time, you consciously and intentionally create the emotional experience you want, rather than having an experience that is a set of reactions dependent on someone else. Anchoring is a tool that is supported by a Selective Focus (see #2).
#2 - Selective Focus:
When you take responsibility for your subjective experience, you increase your power to stay focused on, and attached to, your anchor. You have the power to select which aspects of the environment you focus on. What you focus on become the building blocks creating your subjective experience. Focus and build on the connections and exchanges aligned with your goals for your experience. Let go of any connections which are not aligned with your goals. Focus and build on your peace of mind (your anchor). For example, remove any focus on aggression residing in the voices around you.
#3 – Empathy Increases Your Wisdom And Intelligence:
Intelligence is how much information you know. Wisdom is how you use the information you know. Empathy provides information about other people’s experiences. It deepens your own wisdom. It guides your awareness of when to create emotional boundaries.
Empathy shows you what life is like beyond your own experience. Empathy is created when you try to understand the other person’s experience. It is the idea of 'standing in someone else's shoes' or 'seeing through someone else's eyes'.
Empathy is not the same as sympathy. Sympathy is YOUR EXPEREINCE ABOUT someone else. Empathy is your understanding OF SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPEREINCE. Empathy increases your awareness of someone else’s mental or emotional experience, even if you think you would feel differently in their shoes.
Be aware that if the other person sees the world differently, and orients their mind around fear or anger, it may be difficult to listen close enough to learn what they are thinking & experiencing. This can make it difficult to build empathy. But as you think about walking a mile in their shoes, your understanding and empathy will grow. Then in some situations, the wisdom of your empathy may make you realize it is best for you to stay emotionally a mile away. You can have empathy while not being emotionally enmeshed, or swallowed up, in their subjective experience. Put emotional boundaries in place, so that you can listen and care, without letting your emotions become dependent on their emotions.
Boundaries give you the emotional distance you need to remain emotionally safe when there is angst or disagreement. This gives you the safe space to empathize and hold your anchor. Be at peace with the idea that we humans disagree about many things; and we always will. But no matter where people’s beliefs originate from, until there is peace between different beliefs, there will be no peace between us. Be careful in your thinking - because a paradox of the human brain is that it is smart enough to make up illusions, and then to believe these illusions are based on organic truths. Remember, no matter where the beliefs originate, until there is peace between beliefs, there will be no peace in the world.
#4 - The Desire To Win An Argument Can Get In The Way Of Your Ability To Empathize and Stay Anchored:
If this happens to you, attempt to 'Steel Man' the other person’s position in order to build your understanding and empathy.
'Steel Manning' means addressing the strongest form of the other person’s argument, even if it is not the one they presented. The opposite of 'Steel Manning' is to 'Straw Man' their position. 'Straw-Manning' means representing (or spinning) the other person’s position so you can more easily defeat it. But 'Steel Manning' gives you a different kind of power, and it benefits you. It opens you up to understand the perspective the other person is expressing. The more you disagree with them, the more important it is to do this. When you 'Steel Man' their position, you discover an amazing strength within yourself to connect to the other person and to express yourself with dignity, despite the disagreement. If you 'Straw Man' the other person’s position (which is what we humans have a tendency to do), you may win the argument. But, you will lose the connection between the two of you - and you might lose sight of your anchor and goal for your subjective experience.
If your main goal is to convert the other person to your way of thinking, you are giving them control of your goal’s success. Instead, make your goal something you can accomplish; something within your control. Do not make the goals for your own experience dependent on a non-participant (or an opponent) of your goals.
#5 - Use Empathy To Protect Yourself From Being Reactive:
Empathy gives you information about another person. This helps you clarify the differences and similarities between the two of you. It increases your compassion and your discovery of common experiences. Because of empathy, you have the wisdom to create emotional boundaries to protect yourself from being enmeshed or swallowed up in reactiveness. An empathic awareness of the differences between your subjective experiences allows you to have internal peace, despite the differences.
#6 - Use Listening As A Step Towards Being Heard:
Let the other person know you hear them and want to understand them. Some people are difficult to listen to. It may feel this way if they refuse to listen to you. People are most apt to listen to you when they feel you have listened to them. So despite what you may not want to hear, listening may be your best first step towards the possibility of being heard. Also, by hearing the other’s position, you are more informed about how to further connect to (or distance from) them. When you disagree with someone, first understand their experience or belief is truly their experience. In this way, you can still verbally validate what you are hearing is their experience (even if you disagree with their thoughts creating their experience). Then, if they are open to listening to you, share your thoughts and your experience. If they are not open to listening, it may be a waste of your time and energy to continue the dialogue.
Tool #7 – Self-Respect Is A Powerful Filter For Connection:
Your degree of self-respect is a significant factor in determining the degree you are emotionally safe, protected, and available to connect with someone. By fully accepting yourself, you can fully listen to the other person. If you connect without a filter of self-respect, it may feel like your perspective and emotions are not protected. Self-respect protects your beliefs, your perspectives, and your emotions. It filters out any toxic intake. What is within you (your self-respect) becomes evident to others in the ways you connect (whether you are listening or speaking).
Stay connected to your anchors of self-respect and internal peace. Keep in mind: when you don’t have peace within yourself, you won’t have peace with others. Rumi wrote, “If words come out of the heart, they will enter the heart.”
No matter what you are hearing from someone, in order to keep your mind and emotions safe, plug your headphones straight into their heart. Realize you may be more plugged into their heart more than their own brain is. Listen to their heart - not to their hate. What is within you saves you, when it is extended in love.
#8 – The Combination Of Courage And Humility Protects You:
When you are interacting with others, there is actually nothing to protect except your truth. Your truth is the accumulation of your whole life up to this moment. No one can take this away from you. Your truth stands on its own, when you remove your fear that it can be lost. Truth is the accumulation of itself. Truth isn’t invented - it is realized. There is great truth found in realizing that each person has a unique experience. Without this truth, we live in an illusion, ignorant of realizing that we only fully know our own experience. We must listen, learn, and use respect and love to digest and process information (our own and other people’s).
#9 - Use Your Doubts About Empathy As A Signal!
When you use doubt wisely, your doubts lead you to greater truth. If you doubt the benefits of empathy for someone you don’t like, realize this doubt has a purpose. It is a signal for you to learn more about the power of empathy - and to learn about and understand even the MOST difficult people. Doubt is to be used with wisdom and purpose. Your empathy is empowered as your focus on another person is at the intersection of your wisdom and your love. Love and wisdom protect each other. The more you know one, the more you know the other, AND the more power your empathy has.
#10 - Use Your Heart To Know The Other Person’s Heart.
This will embed the power of your anchor, your peace, and your love into your subjective experience. Your love can show you the love inside someone else (even if they don’t orient from a place of love, or even see love as a legitimate place to orient from). This can be frustrating. Plug your headphones into their heart. Their heart is the loving part of them that is screaming to be heard. It is often hidden under the remnants of experiences that were built from fear. If their eyes see despair, this is all the more reason yours must not. If their words yell fear and anger, then yours must not. Hold up a mirror to them, so they can see the best of themself – themself as you see them through your connection to their heart. You connect to their love, until they can. Give power to the love in them; don't give anything else the power to distract you from this.
When you are at the next gathering, look for love you have not yet seen. Love hasn't reached the limit of its possibilities. So don’t believe it has. Each life holds a piece of our solution – the solution is loving everyone. Do not count anyone insignificant; even if that someone doesn’t understand their own love yet.
Please note: no client-therapist relationship is implied or exists by virtue of your visiting this website or these videos.
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